Poetry Project

As many of you know, poetry is very dear to Bob's heart. In an effort to bring joy into his life and keep him in a positive mindset, we are encouraging you to comment on this post (or e-mail Michelle: METschannen@gmail.com) with poems that have inspired you and spoken to your heart. Be sure to tell us your name and what the particular poem means to you. We'll re-post the poems here on the blog, as well as sending them along to Bob. Our hope is to make a collection of poems that can be bound into a book of inspiration for Bob to peruse as he heals. Come join in on the fun!

-Michelle

An Update as of 11/15/12

As I have “slowly come back to this life from the other more secret, moveable, and frighteningly honest world where everything began,” (David Whyte) I awoke one morning to go looking for a book on my bookshelf (The Brain that Changes Itself) and was not able to find it. Instead, I found a book of poetry by Rumi, a 13^th century Persian poet and Sufi mystic. In the book I found a 3x5 file card on which I had written the following words: “I intend to be here and nowhere else. To make no one wrong. To be a blessing & a joy. To learn & embody the consciousness of Nonviolent Communication.”

This card was tucked into page 36 where Rumi had written one of my favorite stanzas: “Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing, there is a field. I’ll meet you there. When the soul lies down in that grass, the world is too full to talk about. Ideas, language, even the phrase each other doesn’t make any sense.” Wow. That alone was enough to speak about the journey I have been travelling since my first seizure on August 30.

But then I decided to go one step further. I randomly opened the book to a page, thinking that the poem on that page perhaps had a message for me. Given how many times I nearly died, with my heart stopping multiple times (once for 24 seconds), and given how many seizures I have had over the past two months (too many to count), the poem that I found on page 136 was profound beyond words. I would like to share it with you now, giving full credit to Megan and her love for bringing me back to life. Blessings.

Sublime Generosity

I was dead, then alive.

Weeping, then laughing.

The power of love came into me,

and I became fierce like a lion,

then tender like the evening star.

He said, “You’re not mad enough.

You don’t belong in this house.”

I went wild and had to be tied up.

He said, “Still not wild enough

to stay with us!”

I broke through another layer
into joyfulness.

He said, “It’s not enough.”

I died.

He said, “You’re a clever little man,
full of fantasy and doubting.”

I plucked out my feather and became a fool

He said, “Now you’re the candle
for this assembly.”

But I’m no candle. Look!

I’m scattered smoke.

He said, “You are the sheikh, the guide.”

But I’m not the teacher. I have no power.

He said, “You already have wings.

I cannot give you wings.

But I wanted his wings.

I felt like some flightless chicken.

Then new events said to me,

“Don’t move. A sublime generosity is
coming toward you.”

And old love said, “Stay with me.”

I said, “I will.”

You are the fountain of the sun’s light.

I am a willow shadow on the ground.

You make my raggedness silky.

The soul at dawn is like darkened water

That slowly begins to say Thank you, thank you.

Then at sunset, again, Venus gradually
changes into the moon and then the whole nightsky.

This comes of smiling back
at your smile.

The chess master says nothing,
other than moving the silent chess piece.

That I am part of the ploys
of this game makes me
amazingly happy.

-Bob

A Few Pictures

Just a few pictures from the weekend of 11/3/12. This was the first time Bob remembered joyously being together with his nuclear family since becoming sick. Enjoy!

An Update as of 11/10/12

This has been a busy and full week with getting settled back into life at home, with doctors appointments, therapy assessments, and lab tests to get to. To see the astonishment on the doctors’ faces as they interact with Bob, has confronted me once again with what a miracle it is that Bob survived at all, much less that he is walking around and functioning as well as he is.

The world that Bob has come home to seems strange and unfamiliar to him. In addition to cars looking different to him, clothing styles also seem strange. These memory issues have provided some moments of laughter as well. On his second night home, Bob wanted to know where his “regular” toothpaste was. When we offered him a tube of Colgate, he protested that he wanted the kind with the pump. We had to let him know that that company had been out of business for years!

As much as anyone who knows Bob knows he loves technology, it has been fun to share Bob’s delight to discover things like how he can advance pictures by sliding his finger across the screen on his phone. Last weekend as Evan, Michelle, and Everest were getting ready to leave, we began to assemble the tripod to take a family picture. As Bob came to help, he asked, “Is there enough film in the camera?”

Fortunately, Bob’s personality and intelligence are intact. He is loving and kind and thoughtful. He has actively tried to pitch in to help with some of the things he has always done. But he has needed some coaching to do even simple things like making our morning tea or loading the dishwasher. Bob is actively working on his memory issues. One afternoon, he spent time walking through the house opening cupboards and closets to try to learn where things were. His memory is slowly improving so that he is less likely to repeat something that he has just said, and more often can remember things that have happened earlier in the day. And he aced all of the logic puzzles that they gave him as part of his evaluation for services at outpatient therapy!

[Amy] While he has needed help in being reacquainted with some mundane everyday life stuff, I (Amy) have marveled in his ability to carry on with some things that show he is still the same Bob – like untangling the mixed up phone lines so that Line 1 and  2 again rang in their appropriate spots on every phone in the house.  Megan might have preferred for him to wait until he was feeling better but since I have a special familiarity with what he is experiencing at this point in his recovery I allowed him to “run with it” so to speak and complete the task as he was able and enthusiastic to do so.  Of course this probably was the reason why he had an “episode” afterwards but I know that there is a fine line between testing yourself and overdoing it. Megan is doing a yeoman’s job of allowing Bob the freedom of testing himself without becoming too anxious about the potential to inhibit the recovery process.  These last few days have been a true, sweet blessing for me in ways that I cannot express in ways succinct enough to hold your interest but perhaps I can try to write about them and share at a later date.  Suffice it to say that Bob and Megan are a testament to the benefits of a life well lived and I am so glad our paths have crossed again. Ok back to Megan….

[Megan] Some of our favorite music from the 1970s and 80s has resonated with Bob. Last night he woke up in the middle of the night humming a tune from Inti-Illimani, a Peruvian group we enjoyed early in our marriage and had recently rediscovered. By the time I woke up this morning, Bob had dug up not the CD we had purchased last year but a cassette tape of their music that he found in a drawer somewhere and had blaring from the stereo!

Despite how unsettling and scary this whole experience is for Bob as well as the frustration of continuing to struggle with “episodes”, he has also persisted in his deep, deep gratitude just to be alive. We have been so blessed to have our friend Amy visiting from Ohio. She and Bob have particularly been glorying in the amazing birdlife and wildlife in our area. This morning they got up early and went down to the dock to watch the birds, with the Blue Herons, the migrating yellow-billed cormorants, and even a bald eagle. This afternoon they sat on the back corner of the deck for several hours, again enjoying the eagle, a Pileated Woodpecker, and many other beautiful birds. The simple pleasures of life have taken on new meaning and significance as we know more deeply what a beautiful gift they really are.

[Bob] Yes, this is me again. What pure pleasure and mystery it is to be coming back to this life from “other more secret, moveable and frighteningly honest world where everything began” (David Whyte). The process is ongoing with incredible highs and lows. One minute you think, “I am back and everything is fine,” then the next minute the depths of confusion and the full flush of an “episode” return. Wave after wave. A whole new moment of life on the edge of goodness and grace, terror and transformation.

I know, for sure, that this experience is changing me in positive and permanent ways. You can’t go to the brink of death itself without noticing that life has a way of coming back to itself. Then, having noticed, you pay attention to even the smallest things with thanksgiving and love. My sense is that I am becoming a more sensitive and caring soul, even though those were qualities I intentionally cultivated before. They now have a deeper, more spiritual nature. My marriage with Megan is going to end up the better for our having gone through this even though it has been so hard and miserable for us both. And we are definitely going through this together.

When, in marriage, they talk about how the “two are one,” this is what they mean. We share the highs and lows and this sharing is transformational. We use that word so casually, “transformation.” But transformation is tough. If you make it through, nothing is ever the same. Life is better. Life is good.

Those of you who are interested will read a lot more about this in the book that will emerge from this experience. “Seized by Life: Recovering Wholeness One Day at a Time.” I can hardly wait to start writing and yet there is absolutely no hurry at all. In fact, that is the most amazing part of my current reality. There is no sense of time or responsibility. I am just here, now, in the present, being all that I can be, as best as I can be. And right now the moment is perfect as the music plays and my friends and family sit all around, like that great cloud of witnesses that surround the angels in heaven. Thanks for sharing this moment with us on the trek of life. J I love you all.

Megan, Amy, and Bob

An Update as of 11/3/12

Dorothy was right. There’s no place like home; there’s no place like home; there’s no place like home.

Yesterday after saying good bye to the good folks at Health South in Charlottesville who have contributed Bob’s healing in such beautiful ways, it was finally time to pack up and head for home. Bob was strong and sturdy enough to help with the final clean up of the condo and to pack up the car for the drive home. He even remembered the code to go back and forth into the building!

 

Approaching the house, Bob thought that he recognized the neighborhood, but commented that he would not be able to find his way our house. Once in the house, Bob was incredulous as he walked from room to room, exclaiming again and again “We live here? I can’t believe we live here!” It took some time, but before long a sense of familiarity began to sink in and he once again began to recognize this space as home.

 

By bedtime, Bob was feeling happy and content to finally be going to sleep in his own bed.

 

This morning, we took our time getting started on the day. Bryn joined us as we all chatted about all that we had been though in these past two months. Bob brought us all tea in bed. Afterwards, the three of us went out to workout in the workout room, rocking along to Paul Simon’s Graceland, which was the soundtrack to the our family roadtrips as our kids were growing up. The lyrics took on new meaning as we sang along to words like:

 

-       These are the days of miracle and wonder.

-       This is how we begin to remember.

-       This is the powerful pulsing of love in our veins.

 

By midday, Evan, Michelle, and Everest arrived, bringing a surprise visitor: Andres! We’ve spent a calm and happy day together just enjoying being together. Bob worked on refilling the hot tub and getting all the chemicals balanced the way they needed to be. He also worked with Evan on setting up an office in the dining room, and upgrading his computer. Bob still struggles with a sense of time and with memory issues, but it is getting better. The day was topped off by Thai food, S’mores and most of all a beautiful sense of gratitude for the opportuinity to go on with our lives together.

 

Life is good.

-Megan

Postcard Project

Friends-

The most wonderful thing is happening today.... Bob and Megan are moving back home to Williamsburg! This has been greatly anticipated by both Bob and Megan and they'll have both of their children, Bryn and Evan, with them to help celebrate this wonderful milestone.

As we all know, Bob's forward progress continues. These next few months are critical in regards to his recovery. Moving back home, while a wonderful treat, will also be a transition into a new normal for Bob and Megan. One of the most helpful things right now is a positive attitude and joy. These two things will hopefully carry Bob through his recovery and bring peace to Megan's heart.

In order to help them keep their spirits up, I am beginning a postcard project. Those of you wanting to send a positive greeting to Bob and Megan can do so by e-mailing me (METschannen@gmail.com) your name, mailing address, and the number of postcards you'd like to send them. I'll then mail you those postcards pre-addressed and stamped. All you have to do is write a sweet message and drop it in the mail. The postcards are pretty basic, so feel free to decorate them. Don't hesitate to ask for more than one postcard, also. In fact, if you want some for your church, community group, etc, just let me know in the e-mail.

My hope is that we can fill their mailbox daily with little greetings of love, joy, and hope from all of the people who care so much about them. Both Bob and Megan have stated multiple times throughout this process that they believe that they wouldn't be where they are without the support of all of you. Let's continue blessing them with our love and support with postcards!

-Michelle

INCREDIBLE Update!!

Hi everyone! This blog post is coming from Bob himself after having taken more than two months to recover from a rather mysterious affliction to the limbic part of my brain. At this point I keep getting better each day and I am encouraged by all of the people, including medical professionals such as my daughter, who promise that I can make a full recovery. Even if they are pretending, I appreciate the vote of confidence. It encourages me greatly and keeps me in the game.

 

Today was a big day with lots of activity and therapy sessions. Frankly, the best part of the day was the end of the day, when Bryn and I drove to Ben & Jerry's to get a hot fudge sundae. It was the first thing I have actually "tasted" in the entire two months. I think my taste buds had gotten out of practice but if anything would get them back in the game, a hot fudge sundae was it. It could and did. Best medicine ever!

 

In the morning I worked on a brochure and a survey with my sister-in-law, Maura Rawn, for the Center for School Transformation. These were drafted by Adrienne Tinsley, our new sales professional, and it was great to get back in the game doing what I do best: writing and creatively imagining how best to express the philosophy, energy, and talent of our team. You will be hearing a lot more from us on all of these fronts in the near future.

 

After working on the brochure, we went back to the hospital to thank all of the personnel who did such a great job of taking care of me during those early days in the hospital. My daughter Bryn had baked 2 pans of brownies which I was happy to deliver during my "victory lap" to both the ICU team and the step down unit. They were all amazed to see me walking independently with no supports and with a great big smile of my face. There were lots of hugs and tears as we celebrated the goodness of the Sustaining Spirit that calls us into being and sustains us through the dance of life itself. It was a great time that neither I nor they will soon forget.

 

In the afternoon I had two hours of therapy (Physical, Occupational, and Speech) and was pretty exhausted by the end. That led me to take an hour-long nap which was pretty unusual and refreshing. Maybe it will become a habit! The best part of recent days was getting cleared last Friday to walk around on my own with no sticks, canes, or walkers. As I become more aware of the freedom, I am feeling more like myself all the time. What a joy!

 

After my nap I spent a long time talking to family and friends until I got exhausted by all the stimulation and joy. That led me to wrap things up and that's when we went for ice cream. Now I'm home again and it's time for bed. Time flies when you have no sense of time at all! Sometimes I look up and it seems like 5 minutes have passed when it has actually been an hour or two. Other times, I look up and think it has been an hour or two when it has actually been 5 minutes. Weird.

 

I would ask for your continued prayers and support. Things are moving in the right direction and I have reason to believe that I will make a full and complete recovery. I keep telling my family to assure me of that possibility even if it's not true. We live on hope, faith and prayer more than on facts, fear or force. Keep that in mind the next time you go through a crisis of your own.

 

Until I post again, blessings upon you all. :) Bob